Forever slave

COLOURFULL FEELING

2005-03-03T21:24:00.000+01:00

I wanna run no direction
I wana know without prediction

explode to a million pieces
then rain on hills and cities

I wanna climb the rainbow
I wanna get so high

In fact impossible, is it right
I want what you want
I wanna fly...

Bored -.-

2005-03-02T19:05:00.000+01:00

O my goth..Im so bored. Bored of this everyday life, I get more and more tired. Today especially! I could barely stay awake in the school. It annoys me to be there, to be at home, to be everywhere... I don´t know what to do. I wanna do so many things, nor I don´t. For a long time I prepare to draw some pictures, but I can´t, it´s impossible. Everytime it ends up by doing nothing on my computer, or chatting with friends. That´s not bad, but maybe I should learn more..or somethin. I m so passive, it bothers me, help me..give me inspiration. I only hold my anger, which is kept on me from the outside world and wanna to release it. To draw it on the paper, or to give it into tones which I play on the guitar. I want to completely change this, but I must wait. Yes that´s the worst I must wait till I have time, what for a paradox. It´s funny when I think about it.. yes..I can only laugh about some things. Sarcastic laughing, great emotion. I hate it!
In the last time I miss some people I would like to be with,(yes u too) my friends, or some of them. It´s sad that we can´t find time on each other. I mean, not going out in the city on Friday night, but only in a couple just somewhere, heh maybe forest (lol) or some nice places, to have some private talks, to stronger our relationships.. yes I know it´s cold outside now, heh but maybe in the sumer, or spring. I think of this everytime, I remind me this chaotic life. I even force myself to cry sometimes by some memories. ( but that´s my own problem). I think that someday this, that we call ehm..normal life gets so far, we´ll have to change it from the basic principes. heh how silly it sounds.. Yes I know that I write only strange texts like this, but till I get on better thouhgts I must do it...

Who´s the biggest fucker?!

2005-02-23T10:55:00.000+01:00

Let me know your feelings about the President of the U.S.A.
and the Bush-Putin Summit in Bratislawa.
THIS IS MY OPINION!!

Pain & Pleasure

2005-02-23T10:27:00.000+01:00

Ooh, ooh, pain is so close to pleasure, oh yeah,
Sunshine and rainy weather go hand in hand together all your life,
Ooh, ooh, pain is so close to pleasure everybody knows,
One day we love each other then we're fighting one another all the time,

When I was young and just getting started,
And people talked to me they sounded broken hearted,
Then I grew up and got my imagination
And all I wanted was to start a new relation,
So in love but love had a bad reaction,
I was looking for some good old satisfaction,
But pain is all I got when all I needed was some love and affection,

Ooh, ooh, pain is so close to pleasure, yeah yeah,
Sunshine and rainy weather go hand in hand together all your life,Pain and pleasure.
Ooh, Ooh, pain and pleasure,

When your plans go wrong and you turn out the light,
But inside of your mind you have to put up a fight,
Where are the answers that we're all searching for,
There's nothing in this world to be sure of anymore,
Some days you're feeling good, some days you're feeling bad,
But if you're feeling happy someone else is always sad,
Let the swiftness on love wipe the tears from your face,
For better for worse, so let's make the best of the rest of our years,

Ooh, ooh, pain is so close to pleasure, I told you so,
Sunshine and rainy weather go hand in hand together all your life,Pain and pleasure
ooh, ooh, pain is so close to pleasure, yeah, yeah,
Sunshine and rainy weather go hand in hand together all your life,All your life.
Pain - pleasure....

Bleeding emotions

2005-02-23T09:23:00.000+01:00

How to describe this? It´s really bad. Uhm, I don´t know. I try-
The last time ( I mean last 5-6 months), I don´t know what I m doing. Maybe it causes this fucking age, yes I m 19, but that´s normal, that people don´t want to leave the old teenage times behind and try to live on full throotle. I have another 6 months, to be like this. But this not the thing that bothers me the most. I can not chose between what I want or don´t.
I hate to be alone, and that´s the only thing I can´t stand, but on the other side, I can´t find anybody that would be with me. There are so many people who would, but I always say, to be only firends, cause I want somebody else. Im a fucking fool! And there are also many things that can hold my friendships. For expect: comunication, no lying and sincerity, without these , there can´t be any good friendship. This is what I say, and maybe thats the reason, why I can´t get somebody to.. to what? to everything. Cause I always, dissapiont myself. I trouble my mind for a long time with no effect, while the other person peacefuly lives his/her live without any remorse. I destroy myself for nothing. How long will tih last. I know, that i m not the right kind of person for everyone, but when not then i need to know that, to see my mystakes.
I realized that I have to go somewhere else, to find another company of people, or should I wait? Who can tell...

Be aware..!

2005-02-18T15:18:00.000+01:00

you are Alucard...
man, wolf, bat, mist-- Alucard is one versatile dude.
he has a myriad of shiny guns,
and he wears his sunglasses at night.
he is hellsing's secret weapon;
he enjoys exterminating pathetic
vampire wannabes.
Which Hellsing Character Are You?

Giger I

2005-02-17T17:28:00.000+01:00

Giger - fantastic pictures of erotic acts & many more..

Mind catch...

2005-02-16T20:30:00.000+01:00

Psycho cocaine insane crazy
Crazy insane cocaine psycho
Kill Kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
my father before me....

What is it.?

2005-02-10T15:17:00.000+01:00

Pretend her when she goes around
All you things drop on the ground
Staring like a good old friend
Sends you to the heaven land
If you look then like a noob
Omit them and just go through
Nothing´s going to stop YOU.

Night live..

2005-02-08T21:22:00.000+01:00

A nice view from the enbankment of river Danube on the bottom of the bridge SNP. The lightning effects of the old city, make Bratislava special...

Awfull dream...

2005-02-08T16:45:00.000+01:00

Yesterday, I had a dream. From the first time it was violent, I don´t know why. It was me with a gun shooting on my opponents. You maybe say, that it´s a little bit childish, but then it changed. Suddenly I was in a flat of my grandparents in Levice, where I lived when I was young. And I knew, that I killed a woman. I don´t know why I knew it, but doesn´t mather. I couldn´t do anything, it was horrible. But it´s not the worst yet! She was hidden inside the sofa, and I begun to open it, I wanted to see her. She was copletely rotten, propably a few days after death. I just stood aobve her and looked down. But suddenly, she MOVED!! I was scared to death, ( still sleeping) and shouted! I had a knife. It appeared in my hand when screaming. It was a big ugly knife. I begun to cut her, all around her body, and to hit her in her eyes, yes in eyes and whole head. I wanted to kill her definitelly! I hit her so man times, till she was totally crumbled. There was blood all around, everywhere. I looked like a mass killer. Now I was finished with my work..but she folloved me later too. I tryed to run away. I wanted to wake up! She was like a zombie, I couldn´t see her face, cause I cut it, and I couldn´t recognize it! I remember then, only as the dream ended with another part, where I was still hiding in some kind of dark stock, between paper boxes and metal tubes. I think I died in agony of fear, that it catches me. This part was essencialy shorter than the first one. But in general I´ve never ever had a dream like this before, and I don´t even want any like this. But maybe it was something more than a dream indeed, and maybe I m going mad of this fucking life. Hope I don´t get these (maybe thrue?) visions no more...

Nice memory...

2005-02-07T19:13:00.000+01:00

This is a great picture! It reminds me of how it was beautifull in Myjava, with Sima & Gabique. Only three teeenagers in one (toxic:) cottage, and around only forest.It was so exciting, especially in the night..

In fear and wonder

2005-02-06T21:03:00.000+01:00

In the last time, I feel very strange. Because of my personal problems. It´s so hard to get over them. I have very good friends, who want to help me in this case, but it´s so stupid to bother them with it always. So I pretend like everything´s allright, and that´s the worst. I close myself into me. When does this end? I don´t want to be in good mood when I can´t be, I don´t even want to write this. I feel so silly. I´m glad about having this blog, where I can write down emotions and feelings I go through, cause it´s too stupid to talk about it on every weeks - Friday night in a company of friends. It´s always the same. After a while the feeling follows your more and more, and you want to change it, everyday it gets worse and worse. Then suddenly you feel like it doesn´t annoy you, and you want to forget it. But it comes back every time. I must do something. In the close future there will be a big change, I can feel it. But the question is, if it turns into good or bad solution. In every moment I have nothin to do,(for example: at home) I get frustrated. I m doing nothing, I just sit on the chair in front of my table, stupidly looking on the wall, or out of the window. And hundreds of thoughts run through my head. I m tryin to get an answer, but anyway..it will come sooner or later for sure. Sometimes I wonder, how far I can go for something that isn´t indifferent for me..

One year left...

2005-02-02T20:15:00.000+01:00

Is this normal? Live goes by like a great water. I need to thing about my future, but in the other way. Yes, everyday I persuade myself, about how many time I´ve got. Every new year celebration, I look and I see, that years pass by too fast. I have one year left. When this is over, I must totally change my live. The school ends. What now? Try to go on a collage?Oh, I would like to...or...have a break, to earn some money, but on the other side - forget everything? Find a serious job? No, you are too young. Maybe that college, or some studying abroad? Hmm..seems so easy. I´ve got one year to decide, but if I do not?! What then. I don´t know,but something must happen! Oh..I remember the words falling from my clasmates mouth on the primary school. "Listen Michael, my friend, let last our friendship forever, what a great idea." We were very good friends indeed. We hadn´t seen each other since the first class on high school. Your memory is not unlimited, you store only usefull data. Maybe I wasn´t so important for him, and he for me. I´m afraid that the high school time will take too much free space in my memory, so I will forget on it. But I don´t want to, who wants? You? You, you or you? Nobody want this. Of course there are some things, people and memories, which can´t be just erased. They have their own special place in my head. (so don´t worry:). One year remains, and everything will go clear. You must be courius too, about yourself, aren´t you?! Heh...only one year, one year...

Satanic signs

2005-02-02T16:41:00.000+01:00

This is me an Sly Boots at the same cemetery,as the photo before was. It was a normal cript, with its cross upside-down. We had to take a photo, don´t you think it´s strange..?!

HARD TO TELL HER

2005-02-02T15:34:00.000+01:00

Why do you always tell me this platitudes?
Im´not a child anymore, walking in my own shoes
but you can´t stand it as I see
somehow you still have power over me.

Let it flow, I need to show
then look up, and let me know
if you accept this reality.

Yes, now it´s my opportunity, to stand
right here, with my eyes shut, in this community
and to show the quality
of my being, what´s this for a living..

Both of us do know, how I can get
through this step, I really gotta
Do you understand, my loving mother...

Great vision?!

2005-02-01T19:36:00.000+01:00

Tonight, I had a dream. It was about unreal happiness in my life, but then it suddenly turned into unbelieveable fear and pain, of losing it. It was a strange nightmare, without monsters and killers. It was nightmare from my live, and that´s the worst. I can suppose it will maybe happen! Is this a vision to the close future? Or is it reality, which I can´t see..?! Who knows, maybe the answer comes in the following weeks. People are afraid of bad things happening in theyr lives, so they pretend that everything is allright. But many times it isn´t so. In my case, I pretend it. I must pretend everything is good and play good mood, like a clown. And later, when I´m alone only with myself, I can´t get rid of depresions, which I hide all the time. I don´t want to lose my happy visions, that´s why I do this. Everybody does! It´s all a big theatre, and we are the actors? Did you ever had this feelings? How do you prevent them? Just let me know...
All I need to be happy this time, is to have more conversation with people I can thrust, with people who have the same feelings, to find somebody I can lean against and find psychical support. It´s not easy, to find the right person, cause if you don´t!
You end up like me...

Cemetery visit

2005-02-01T16:39:00.000+01:00

Yeah this is me..it was taken on a cemetery in my hometown, by my good friend Sima.I was totally dope, when she took this photo..It was really difficult to catch me in this pose, cause of my laughing...

Reflexive thoughts..

2005-01-31T17:33:00.000+01:00

Today I finally found time to think about things I can´t think every day, everytime..
I mean, that in this stereotype life, you can´t think of every thing that you want.
You have your head full of your obligations, in your everyday life.
And they take much more space than your wills and dreams.
So somethimes you have to stop for a while, and free your mind...
I did this today. It´s very refreshing, you can thrust me, but I think you know this too.
Three days ago I wrote these lyrics or texts, call it as you want..
And I wrote them, cause each of it has a hidden idea.
It´s not written for fun. And I want you to write some comments in order to let me know how do you feel about...

ABSENCE DE L´AMOUR

2005-01-31T17:21:00.000+01:00

Si je saigne, si je peine
si je pleure sur mon sort
si je traine, si je seine
des pétales sur vos corps

Si j´oublie d´on je suis
et qiu me ménera au port

Si je vais, san regrets
C´est par absence..
san doute:
Par absence d´amour...

RELEASED TENSION

2005-01-31T17:14:00.000+01:00

Crawling in the corner
hearing to no one
she mourns in the lenghtening shadow
of the evil someone
coming closer
no escape..
What about to switch the tape..?!

HELPLESS

2005-01-31T17:02:00.000+01:00

In the end, there is something happening to me
there is something I would like you all to see
it´s just a photograph of someone that I knew
moments spent with him where just few
but it´s too late, I know
now, what can I do?!
There is only hope, I´ll break through...

FREEDOM PRISON

2005-01-31T16:33:00.000+01:00

Wake up! Now!
Do this! Go there!
Yes that´s right, now go back... OK!
Eat that shit, and go there...HIT!
Ouch..
What have you done?! Said go there...
NO! Why shoud I--?
Said go!
Oh no...NO! That´s not true.
It´s a command! Go now!
No!
It´s a macondm.. #?!% .. it´s a..
No!
It´s a.... !!SYSTEM ERROR!!

SAY HELLO...

2005-01-26T19:47:00.000+01:00

Hi everybody. I just started editing this blog, so it won´t surprise u that nothin´s here...